Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
