let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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