Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
