I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
