Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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