K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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