i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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