WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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