I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
