There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
