Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Randomize
