If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
