I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
