Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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