You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
