is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
