As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
