He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
