So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
