i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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