some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
