I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
