I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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