very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize