I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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