I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
