my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
