Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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