I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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