I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
