3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
