The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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