i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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