I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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