So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
