It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
