I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's the barista slut.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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