i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
