Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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