Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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