the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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