It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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