I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
