Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
where are you?
Hypothermia
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
