It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize