I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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