I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We need a shit load of segways right now
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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