His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you will always have a special place in my vag
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
