seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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