i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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