Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
God, I missed his penis.
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