My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
