Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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