I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
