the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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