a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
