There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
