So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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