The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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