Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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