I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
