the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
