I want to stick my p in your. b.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
