You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
