Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize