how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize